New Month, New Beginnings, New Mercies

But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
- Lamentations 3:21-23

The Lord is good! The past month has been one of the hardest months. I have struggled with a lot and have felt, at many times, as though I was going through hell. I felt guilt, hopelessness, disappointment, doubt, fear, and anger. I felt that God was untrustworthy; that I could not trust Him with my circumstances. But He has definitely proved me wrong! 

I have now realized that it was necessary for God to allow me to go through ‘hell’ so that I would come to Him. It was necessary that I be stripped down to nakedness, so that God might meet me there. I have realized that I had to hit the bottom in order to bounce back up. It was all a part of HIS plan. 

On Saturday morning, I took my first Qigong (Chi-kong) class with my acupuncturist, Keith Coley. I am learning the art of balancing energy, gaining more energy, and centering myself. The goal in learning Qigong is to protect ourselves from stress and disease. There have been many cases where people who learn the art of Qigong are cured of cancer and many other terminal illnesses. In the class, Keith, who is also a Christian, talked about how Qi (Chi) is the Chinese word for energy. Qi is the life-source for all energy. The practice of Qigong is learning how to draw from the eternal vacuum of energy so that we might be filled with this energy or light. It didn’t click with me until last night that God has me in this class, not just to balance my energy or center myself but to draw from Him, The Eternal Light. That while practicing this, I may receive the Light and gain so much of it that is pouring out of me. That I may have Christ (The Light) live in me and I in Him (Galations 2:20). 

God is working throughout my life. 

Not only am I learning how to partake in this life-giving Light, but for the first time in my life I am being transformed by the Light. I had gotten to such a dark place in my life that when I allowed it, God’s light shined so bright. Even when the light was small and had no yet grown, it was still shining on every corner of my dark place. “Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear” (Isaiah 58:8A). It was shining so bright, that I was able to begin to see the dark places, the hidden places of my heart and I was able to begin to start healing. “He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts” (1 Corinthians 4:5). 

I am amazed. No longer do I have to worry about what tomorrow will bring or what will happen with my current circumstances. I no longer have to worry what consequences I will have to pay for my past decisions. I no longer have to be afraid. Christ is living in me. His light is now shining in and through me. He is helping heal me so that His light may shine through me and onto others. “And you, being dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, He has made alive together with Him, having forgiven you all trespasses, having wiped out the handwriting of requirements that was against us, which was contrary to us. And He has taken it out of the way, having nailed it to the cross” (Colossians 2:13-14). 

I literally sit here in awe at God’s work. Just in the past couple days I have felt more joy than I have ever felt before. Not happiness, but joy. 

God has been pursuing me to the very end. He has followed me to the beautiful places and to the ugliest of ugly places. He is pursuing ME! Just as Psalm 139 says:
“Where can I go from your Spirit? 
       Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; 
       if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” (Verses 7-8)

“If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me 
       and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you; 
       the night will shine like the day, 
       for darkness is as light to you.” (Verses 11-12)

As soon as I finally realized that God was pursuing me, doing exactly what I was longing for, it was like I woke up. I finally collapsed into His arms. He held me so tightly. He has brought me out of my dark place, His light is shining on my life and I am now able to walk with and in Him. I am so thirsty for more and He is thirsty to give me more. It is this beautiful exchange. I am eager to know Him fully, just as He already knows me fully. “O Lord, You have searched me and you know me” (Ps. 139:1). 

I am not really sure how to end this post. The only thing I know to say is that God is SO good! I was so discouraged, so untrusting, and so doubtful, yet when I finally opened my eyes and saw the light, He welcomed me with open arms. I cannot wait to see what else He is going to show me! This is a new month. It a chance for a new beginning and a new life. I am eager to live it through Christ.